making progress

For now, I call "making progress" shopping and that doesn't always mean sticking to our budget. Hee hee hee. (I'm trying very hard to stick to the budget but it's been difficult.) David doesn't think it's very funny though. I had to keep smiling at him very sweetly as I brought the bags into the apartment from Babiesrus and Target. I realized that I still needed a couple more really cute onesies or that other really cute sleep and play outfit with dinosaurs on it. I think I justified it all. :-)

Oh and I bought a changing table. Wow! We figured out that we actually do have the room for one after all and it'll be very helpful too because now I'll have some shelves to put stuff on (like diapers and what not). Yay!

Yesterday I decided that I better get packing and finish getting ready for ECZ's arrival.
I had a burst of energy too so I started to organize the baby stuff by size and set the stuff aside that ECZ won't be able to use until later.

Now if only I could get another burst of energy so that I could clean off the dining room table and the coffee table. As of now, one end of the table has a bunch of stuff on it that really needs to be put away. But lately, I'd much rather focus on baby stuff. It's much more fun to think of ECZ.

Who am I kidding?

I have 5 weeks to go. 5 weeks doesn't sound like much time at all to me. But I think this baby boy inside of me wants to come sooner rather than later. Yesterday, I experienced some quite painful braxton hicks contractions. Not fun. I was about ready to call the doctor. I've never experienced it before so I didn't know what they were supposed to feel like. Anyway, according to the pregnancy websites I learned that the real ones don't go away and they get worse and these ones (the practice ones) do go away. Also, I've been really achy and I've been feeling anxious lately. I think that means that I'm getting close to the big day.

This past weekend was a rush. I had a baby shower on Saturday. I got some more baby stuff. It was enough to put me in the overwhelmed mode again.
But the next day on Sunday we had to rush and rush. After church, we had to rush home and eat something quick and then rush off to a maternity tour of the hospital. We were able to see the labor room, the delivery and the nursery rooms. It was interesting. But it's hard for me to imagine that I'll be screaming and crying in there in about a month. Then after the maternity tour, we went to David's sister's apartment and celebrated our August birthdays.
I sweated and sweated. It not glamourous at all to be pregnant. I can't think of anything nice and pretty about it. I don't know how the pregnant celebrities do it. They all look so perfect all the time. Where is the ugly sweat on them? I never see it. Is it just the cameras that do all the tricks? Or is it the make-up? Or maybe it's both. I could never where make up when I'm pregnant. I would just sweat it off or cry and it would get all messed up anyway, so what's the point of spending all the extra time in the morning?

I'm getting off the subject again. Funny how that happens.

So far we have the portable crib all set up right next to my side of the bed. It looks good though. I even put some baby stuffed animals in there and a blanket.
(Even though I'm supposed to remove all of that stuff in the crib when the baby comes).
I'm getting overwhelmed with all of the stuff that needs to be done and I don't really know where to begin.

One quick thing: I have decided to change the code name for our baby to his initials: ECZ. I may end up spilling the beans and just saying his name later on. But for now Baby ECZ is what it is.

Cry baby

I thought I was going to be ok. But after I went to go and transfer 2 loads of clothes to the dryer, I broke down. I always put the timer on when I'm doing laundry. I set it for 20 minutes even though the wash cycle is 28 minutes but I need extra time to get down the stairs and over to the laundry room. But today I wasn't fast enough for one lady (who seems to think the world revolves around her). She had put my wet clothes on the counter and had her clothes already in washer.
This frys me because earlier when I was going to start the 2 loads, first I went to the one laundry room but of course that was full so I went to the other one and it barely had 2 washers available (the other washer was eating my coins). Let me tell you, it's difficult to carry 2 loads or even 1 load of laundry up and down the stairs and then to find out that the laundry rooms are full. Did I mention that I am almost 8 months pregnant?

I don't know how I'm going to manage this when I have a baby too. It would be so much easier if we had a washer and dryer in the apartment. But we don't and I should just be thankful that we have a place to live right?

In other news: David and I are waiting to get the money from our car insurance company so that we can buy a family car. Right now my car seems to be on it's last legs or last life. It has a bad oil leak, both door panels are duct taped on the inside because they keep coming off and the air conditioning doesn't work. At this point, it runs but that's about it. Hopefully, my car will be able to hang in there for the trip to the hospital and back.

Some lovely things that I am learning to put up with.

1. I can't see very clearly. The other day David and I were driving home and I had trouble reading the street signs. Normally, I would be the one to say "that's the street we need to turn on" when he couldn't see because he didn't have his glasses but now it's the other way around. I borrowed his glasses for a minute and instantly I could see the signs perfectly.

I don't know if that means that I need glasses or if this is just another annoying symptom and it will clear up after I have the baby.

2. I'm hot 98% of the time. I have an instant heater inside of me and it makes me uncomfortable.

3. I don't sleep well anymore. Baby zebra constantly kicks and moves during the night and does his best to keep me awake. Oh, and the constant dreams. Oh how I wish they would quit.

A short post

Well, everybody today is my birthday. But who cares? :-) In 6 weeks (God willing) it'll be baby zebra's birthday! Imagine that? The day that he comes into this world crying his cute, adorable head off. That's going to be so exciting. In a scary, weird sort of way.
Will he look more like David or more like me? That should be interesting to see.

You are getting sleeeeeepy

I tried this earlier and my computer decided to shut off and restart itself before I was finished so I didn't get to publish the post. Stupid computer!

Anyway, this is what I've been doing lately. Sleeping and sleeping. I have a nice body pillow and that is what helps me to sleep comfortably. When I wake up I notice that I'm as big as a humpback whale. Only the hump is in the front and not the back.

During the day I notice that I'm uncomfortable. No position is comfortable any more. Except for sleeping. I actually sleep pretty comforable except for one thing. Yep, you guessed it. Baby Zebra!!!! He is so active at night or whenever I lay down. I do notice him during the day too, even when I'm driving in the car. I don't think he ever sleeps.

I'm struggling with knowing that soon I won't be pregnant anymore and my life is going to change. I guess maybe I'm going to miss the freedom and maybe I'll miss the way my life is now. I don't know. What I've noticed is that when I am out in the public and I see other moms with their baby in a stroller, I just can't imagine it being me. I can't imagine disciplining a kid either. I think I may need to take some classes or read some books on that topic. Also, most of the time, I have noticed that some of those moms are yelling and losing it because they have 1 or 2 other kids with them and they aren't behaving as they should. I don't want that to be me. Is this how it is with all moms? Do all moms lose it and yell at their kids all the time?

I'm going to eat something now so that I don't have to wake up at 3am and eat again.

baby blues early?

It seems that I have caught a bad case of the baby blues before I'm even able to hold baby zebra in my arms.

It may just be the anxiety of knowing that I only have 1 1/2 months to go. Or it may be the most recent events of what happened with David's car and the lack of a bigger place to live. I'm not sure. Lately my emotions have been screaming out "No more! I can't take anymore!"

Also, I've been feeling alone. It's funny though because I've been told that once I become pregnant, I am automatically part of a club. But apparently I didn't sign up for the right club or maybe I forgot to sign my name or something because I don't feel like I'm a member of any club right now. Except for maybe the "Help me, I can't bend over", and the "Cry your eyeballs out over the dirty dishes in the sink, clubs. I'm the president of those two clubs.
If I am part of a "new moms club" or a pregnancy club then why do I feel so pathetic? And why do I feel like I'm the only one who feels this way?
Am I really supposed to be this lonely? How can I reach out to people when I feel like crying all of the time? I doubt that anyone would really want to hear a bunch of blubbering on the other line. They have better things to do. I have tried to call people but most of them have other things to do and are not able to talk or listen. It's crazy though that some people have said that I have it made. I don't have to work. My husband works at home. He supports both of us.
I am happy. I am so happy that I cry all the time.
Last Thursday on our anniversary we were barely able to go to a Twila Paris concert. The catch was that it was in Los Angeles. It's difficult to get to LA when you live in Orange County and the concert is at 7pm. So we went and got to hear her sing 3 songs and then a Korean's childrens choir sang. It was interesting but most of it was in Korean.
During the concert I started crying. I feel pathetic. It was our anniversary and I was crying.

When do I try to do the dishes, (when I'm completely bored out of my mind or when they just start to get to me) I do it in shifts because it kills my back and feet too much for me to stand for too long. I wash a couple and then sit down for a little bit and put my feet up.
I think what makes it seem worse is that we have a small kitchen counter and so any even a small amount of dishes seem to take up all the space. Thank goodness we have a dishwasher though. I don't know what I would do without it.

4 Years

Well, it's been 4 years ago today when David and I got married! Whoohoo!
Now we have a baby on the way! Hooray!
Here are some other pictures of when we first met 6 years ago.

baby last name

........................Be prepared for some venting...............

Baby z is now going to called baby zebra. The reason for that is almost every time someone who doesn't know us (telemarketers, sales people etc) they ask us our last name and when they write it on paper it turns out like this : Dwicker. So I have gotten into the habit of saying "Z like zebra" and then spelling it out the rest of the way. I figured that baby z is going to have a similar problem during school so hopefully this will help. So for now (until I can come up with something more exciting) Baby Zebra is his new name.

Speaking of baby zebra, for the past couple of weeks, he has been kicking and moving in places that are really uncomfortable. Like I'll be sitting here and all of a sudden it feels like I have to go to the bathroom and I just went. Ugh! I know's he happy in there but my goodness. Can't he kick something else?

Last weekend I had a breast feeding class at the hospital where baby zebra is to be born at. I left the class feeling like my head was going to burst with information.
Also, I was starving. They only had fruit to offer. Which normally is fine but the problem was that I was hungry at the beginning of class and it was 3 hours long. I was in a rush to get to the class on time and of course I didn't allow myself enough time to have a big breakfast before I left. That and the fact that the hospital is a good 30 minutes from our apartment. It's difficult to rush out the door when you're beginning to grow a big basketball around your middle.

But all in all the breast feeding class was good despite the food problem. I have a big packet of information now along with some books that my cousin lent me and my mom bought me. Except for the pump and the bottles, I think I'm all set. Now I just get to put it all into practice in 2 months.

No update so far on the car issue. We have to wait to hear back from the insurance company as to whether or not we get any money for David's car. Since it's a salvage title and costs more money to fix than the original estimate, we don't know what to expect right now.

I have been praying that we are able to get a family car. Because my car hardly qualifies as a family car. Another problem is that the parking space where I park my car at our apartment is a challenge. It's a extra parking space that we have to pay $20 pretty dollars for because we only get 1 car port place with the apartment. I could take a risky chance and park my car in the car port but the last few times that I've parked it there, it's gotten broken into. And also the people who park next to the parking place have a horrible (or maybe it's a great habit) habit of parking too close to me on both sides! Grrrr. I hardly ever see them so I can't say anything and I don't know which apartment they live in. Maybe I could have David try to talk to them or if we could ask the apartment manager about it. (Yeah, right....)
(And yet another reason why we should move) I know that was a couple of years ago but to me it was a couple of years ago too often. And now that we only have 1 car, we can't afford to have our only car broken into when we have a baby coming.

I'm frustrated about this parking problem because when the people park too close, I can barely get the door open for me to squeeze in and out of. (It's not like I can just climb over through to the passenger side. Not with my ever growing belly in the way).I don't even like to think about trying to get a baby in and out of there. (Did I mention I only have a 2 door car?) Yep, that makes it more difficult.

Of course David trys to calm me down and says something like "there are other people who have 2 babies and only 1 car and they don't have a husband to help them."
Good point! But, but, but..... what about this and this and this and no air conditioning in the car and the dirty dishes on the counter? I could go on and on and on. (And believe me I do)

By the way, the picture above was taken nearly 6 years ago when I first got my car. I was smiling in the picture too because I just got the car with my father-in-law's help. See no dents and it looks great right? Well that was before it was broken into 4 times. Yes, it's been broken into 4 times in the last 4 years that David and I have been married. At the time when I bought the car, I didn't know that Neons are easy targets.

good bye dear car

Today we found out that David's car is not repairable. Apparently the accident was worse than the repair shop imagined. I'm thankful that we have my car to drive. Even though it's not the best car it still runs and that is a good thing considering I have 2 months to go and we're going to need something to me to the hospital in and to take the baby home in.
We would like to try to get a 4 door family car that has air conditioning but who knows now. Assuming everything else goes well and they don't find any more glitches then we'll be able to find out if our insurance will be able to give us anything for his car. If not than we will probably just have to make do with my car.

I have some fond memories of David's car. We had drove off on our wedding day to go on our honeymoon in that car. He used to sing me Spanish love songs from the radio and translate them into English. I know, I know, he's so romantic.
I'm going to miss that car. I know he is too. He bought this car right after he got back from being out to sea (He was in the Navy) for 6 months.

These types of set backs are hard to handle. Especially since I have 2 months to go and I'll be a mommy.

I think I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I didn't sleep well again. I was hot and could not get comfortable. When I did get to sleep I had some very strange dreams.

The good news is that baby z seems to be oblivious of the trouble that is going on outside of his home. He seems to be very content. He's kicking away throughout the day and the night and making his mommy very hungry. Yesterday I had my 2 week check up and so far all is well.

Please do me a favor and go to David's blog and wish him a happy birthday!