I'm just not like everyone else
I have been struggling with being content and or happy lately. I don't really know what exactly those words mean. But I haven't been either one of them. I struggle to get through the day (or get out of bed for that matter) and I just I don't know what I am suppose to do with my life. I feel like a pathetic loser. Loser!! I'm hard on myself and I don't think that I am good at anything. That's not good but I don't know how to stop being this way.
I am even struggling with why God created me the way I am. I just feel like I'm doomed for the rest of my life. I wonder if anyone else feels this way.
One other thing that has me steemed is the whole subject of having babies (or not having babies as my case is right now). I don't know what I will be doing with myself for the next 5 years or so. I have been told by my husband, a numerous amount of times, that I need to wait until he has a good job that pays enough for a house. That's fine, really but honestly, how does ANYONE expect me to wait while everyone else is popping out babies like there is no tomorrow.
Okay, it's not everyone who is popping out babies, but it seems like it. I feel like I am being left out of the the baby pool. Or whatever it is called.
I really don't want to wait until I'm 35 to have kids. Besides, when I get older, the chances of becoming pregnant decrease. I have to just hope that we have an instant family the first time around (twins or triplets).
Actually I am so scared to be pregnant. I want to be pregnant but then I don't think I'm ready. I really can't imagine what I am going to do with a crying baby. And in a 1 bedroom apartment? It just doesn't seem possible.
This is probably the biggest thing that we argue about. Sad huh?
Are all husbands this way? Are they all one sided and stubborn?
I really love David. But sometimes I get frustrated. I just don't understand his point of view or his reasoning. I feel like he doesn't understand my point of view either. (Is that a stalemate?) Maybe in a few years it will be different.
I am even struggling with why God created me the way I am. I just feel like I'm doomed for the rest of my life. I wonder if anyone else feels this way.
One other thing that has me steemed is the whole subject of having babies (or not having babies as my case is right now). I don't know what I will be doing with myself for the next 5 years or so. I have been told by my husband, a numerous amount of times, that I need to wait until he has a good job that pays enough for a house. That's fine, really but honestly, how does ANYONE expect me to wait while everyone else is popping out babies like there is no tomorrow.
Okay, it's not everyone who is popping out babies, but it seems like it. I feel like I am being left out of the the baby pool. Or whatever it is called.
I really don't want to wait until I'm 35 to have kids. Besides, when I get older, the chances of becoming pregnant decrease. I have to just hope that we have an instant family the first time around (twins or triplets).
Actually I am so scared to be pregnant. I want to be pregnant but then I don't think I'm ready. I really can't imagine what I am going to do with a crying baby. And in a 1 bedroom apartment? It just doesn't seem possible.
This is probably the biggest thing that we argue about. Sad huh?
Are all husbands this way? Are they all one sided and stubborn?
I really love David. But sometimes I get frustrated. I just don't understand his point of view or his reasoning. I feel like he doesn't understand my point of view either. (Is that a stalemate?) Maybe in a few years it will be different.
posted by Becky @ 6:02 PM
1 Comments
