Eric's first holiday

From left to right: Eric, David(Daddy),Grandpa, and Great Grandpa






We went to Tehachapi for Thanksgiving. It was nice to be with David's family.
It was soooo cold there. I bundled Eric up as much as I could but he was still cold.

The other 2 pictures were taken some time earlier. I tried to capture his smile.

first smile

I should be putting some laundry away or sleeping but I need to let you all know that yesterday evening was awesome. I had just bought a infant rocker (it's cool, it vibrates and has toys and rattles on it and it converts to a toddler rocking chair later on) and Saturday we put it together. I decided to try it out last night. I put Eric in it and he began looking at the brightly colored toys that hang in his reach. I thought maybe it would keep him occupied and distract him from wanting to cry for 10 minutes or so.
Well, as I started to wash some dishes, I noticed that he was making some little cooing baby noises. I set the rocker right by the kitchen so I could watch him easily.
Then I looked again and guess what? He smiled. He smiled as he looked up at the toys. I've read that in the baby book that around 6 weeks most babies smile their first smile and start smiling socially.
I melted. He couldn't possibly be any more adorable. I immediately called my parents and told them. I wish that David could've seen it. He was helping me by doing laundry at the time. But I know Eric will be doing it more and more now so David will be able to see it soon.
(I plan on getting it on camera so I can put the picture up here.)
I was able to get the dishes done and now I think that this rocker that we have will help out a lot. I hope that I may be able to soothe him and entertain him at the same time.

I also know that you guys have been praying because the past few nights..... he slept 5 hours straight! Also, I've been working on cutting out the dairy products from my diet and it seems to be helping. His rash seems to be lightning up a bit and he hasn't been crying as much. There has been a change from the last post. Praise the Lord!

Thank you all for praying!

allergy, colic or both?

I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. He seems like he cries non-stop during the day and during the night. I think I've tried everything in the book.
A couple of days ago I took him to the pediatrician because he has a rash all over his face, head and neck. The pediatrician thinks he is allergic to milk. That is hard for me because I've been trying to breastfeed and he says to stay away from milk.
I've been struggling with that because it's been hard to fix something to eat in a short amount of time and it's going to be more difficult to fix things that aren't made with milk. When I was a kid I was allergic to milk (fortunately I grew out of that allergy because it's really hard to not have chocolate milk or milk shakes or ice cream and all of the the other yummy things).
Now I have the task of finding things to eat that don't have milk.

It's so hard for me to let Eric cry though even for 5 minutes. Most of the time I don't know how to soothe him.

It's also really hard for me to let the other stuff go and stay on the back burner. That's what happens to the dishes the laundry and the bills(sometimes). It has been a team effort taking care of Eric. Both David and I have been doing everything we can. That's why everything else doesn't get done. Pretty soon the dirty laundry will reach the ceiling. The clean laundry that I am able to do just sits around to be folded and put away and then the dirty laundry starts to pile up too. And I'm suppose to try to take a nap when the baby sleeps? Um.... yeah....
I think going to be a zombie for a while.

tummy time

Eric loves being on his tummy. I have found that it calms him right down too. I know he's not suppose to be sleeping on his stomach like that because of the risk of SIDS but he has a pacifier in his mouth so I think it's ok as long as we are able to watch him. Right now he's taking a nap in his crib. Hooray!

I've been trying to get outside so that we (mommy and Eric) can get some fresh air. It's very hard to do. Before I know it, it's 5:00pm and it's beginning to get dark outside and he's hungry. Some day I'll try to work out a routine.



I love this picture. David is a great dad!

feeding round the clock

The past few weeks Eric has been eating around the clock or just about every 2 hours. His appetite has really picked up.
A couple of nights ago I had a dream during one of my few naps during the night. I dreamt that I had just woke up and fed Eric. I had just put him down again and then I went to back to sleep. Then I woke up about 10 minutes later to hear him crying again because David was changing his diaper. I thought about what I had learned from the nurse at the hospital about not changing the diaper right after the baby eats because they could spit up because they get moved around too much after eating.
So I told David not to do that and to wait at least 15 minutes or so because I had just fed him.
David said that he was just going to feed him and that he hadn't eaten in at least 3 hours.
(We have a log that we've been keeping about his feeding schedule (and diapering too) so we can tell when the last time he has eaten.)
Obviously I was a little sleep deprived and was dreaming.
Both of us have been sleep deprived lately.

Lately, I have been having a hard time relaxing and sleeping. Whenever I get the chance to take a nap and sleep, I find that I just lie there in bed and can't sleep. It like I just lie there and wait for Eric to start crying again. I'm not sure why this is happens. Also, when Eric is sleeping, I always find that there is something else to do and that I should do it while I have the chance. -For example: wash bottles, take a shower, wash more bottles and wash dishes etc. David helps and he does when he can but he's a busy guy and is very dedicated to his job. So it's very hard for me to do what I've been told and to sleep when the baby sleeps. It just hasn't been working for me.

Thanks for all of your comments in the last post. Thanks for all of your prayers and thoughts. It means a lot to me. And it helps that I'm not the only one who has gone through this and that it does get better.

newborn grief

I think I have postpartum depression. I was afraid that I would get it. I remember thinking when I was pregnant that "what if I start crying all the time?" Everything that I've been reading about and have heard about in the books is happening. I just didn't think that it would be that bad. But tonight I just ran (basically) out of the apartment and cried all the way to Taco Bell. I haven't had Taco bell since before I had Eric. (He'll be 1 month old on Saturday!) I don't know how I was able to order my food in the drive thru. I probably shouldn't have been driving but I had to get out of the house. I felt like a wreck.
Anyway, these days I've been feeling like I'm at the end of my rope. Eric has been crying and lately it sounds like he's being hurt or that we are the worse parents on earth or maybe it's both.

At first I thought, he's such a good, quiet, angel baby, but then these past few weeks have been different. He is awake for most of the day and screams at the top of his lungs for everything. (dirty/wet diaper, an outfit that has a collar- which he seems to hate, if he's hungry, or if he just wants to be held). I think he senses things or has superhearing or something because as soon as I try to sneak away (hoping that he doesn't notice me leaving the room) to get myself something to eat, he cries. If I go to the bathroom, he cries. Feed him formula or breastmilk that is not quite warm enough, he cries. It seems like I can't do anything right.

At the moment, David is keeping him quiet in the living room. I'm grabbing a few minutes to tell you all what it is like here in newborn Mom land.

I think it's getting better

Today I was able to get outside. I took Eric for a walk in the baby bjorn (baby carrier). It was nice. Eric loved it and it was so nice to get some fresh air.
I think I needed that. Eric probably did too.

Also, I think we're both getting the hang of breastfeeding. Eric and I have both been working on it the past 3 weeks. Today the session went really well.

Yesterday I thought I was going to lose it but today it doesn't seem so bad.

I'm so tired

I'm exhausted. Taking care of a newborn is exhausting.
I'm emotionally and mentally drained. I guess that's normal but it's so hard.

When does it start getting easier? When are we going to be able to get into a routine? Sleep? What's that?

I've got to go now. Need to eat and then listen to Eric cry some more.
I can't think straight when I'm tired. He's adorable but I don't know what to do.
It's so difficult thinking that we're (David and I) are doing all that we can and then we put him in his crib and 5 minutes later he starts crying again.