newborn grief
I think I have postpartum depression. I was afraid that I would get it. I remember thinking when I was pregnant that "what if I start crying all the time?" Everything that I've been reading about and have heard about in the books is happening. I just didn't think that it would be that bad. But tonight I just ran (basically) out of the apartment and cried all the way to Taco Bell. I haven't had Taco bell since before I had Eric. (He'll be 1 month old on Saturday!) I don't know how I was able to order my food in the drive thru. I probably shouldn't have been driving but I had to get out of the house. I felt like a wreck.
Anyway, these days I've been feeling like I'm at the end of my rope. Eric has been crying and lately it sounds like he's being hurt or that we are the worse parents on earth or maybe it's both.
At first I thought, he's such a good, quiet, angel baby, but then these past few weeks have been different. He is awake for most of the day and screams at the top of his lungs for everything. (dirty/wet diaper, an outfit that has a collar- which he seems to hate, if he's hungry, or if he just wants to be held). I think he senses things or has superhearing or something because as soon as I try to sneak away (hoping that he doesn't notice me leaving the room) to get myself something to eat, he cries. If I go to the bathroom, he cries. Feed him formula or breastmilk that is not quite warm enough, he cries. It seems like I can't do anything right.
At the moment, David is keeping him quiet in the living room. I'm grabbing a few minutes to tell you all what it is like here in newborn Mom land.
Anyway, these days I've been feeling like I'm at the end of my rope. Eric has been crying and lately it sounds like he's being hurt or that we are the worse parents on earth or maybe it's both.
At first I thought, he's such a good, quiet, angel baby, but then these past few weeks have been different. He is awake for most of the day and screams at the top of his lungs for everything. (dirty/wet diaper, an outfit that has a collar- which he seems to hate, if he's hungry, or if he just wants to be held). I think he senses things or has superhearing or something because as soon as I try to sneak away (hoping that he doesn't notice me leaving the room) to get myself something to eat, he cries. If I go to the bathroom, he cries. Feed him formula or breastmilk that is not quite warm enough, he cries. It seems like I can't do anything right.
At the moment, David is keeping him quiet in the living room. I'm grabbing a few minutes to tell you all what it is like here in newborn Mom land.
posted by Becky @ 9:56 PM
9 Comments:
At 11:18 AM ,
Anonymous said...
Yes Becky, most new mothers experience very similar emotions as you are. It IS difficult and very stressful for a while. But, these hard times you're going through now will pass. As I was telling you on the phone last night, newborn babies cry for many different reasons (check the email I sent you last night). It could be that Eric may have colic. I was also just reading that newborns usually love to be swaddled in a receiving blanket (they are accustomed to this "tight" environment in the womb). Also, he may be cold. Try putting booties on his feet. When you are holding him, bring him close and snug next to your body with his arms and hands crossed on his chest. I noticed that he liked to be sung to. Eric quieted down when I started singing to him (as I was holding him with his pacifier in his mouth. Babies are used to noise--maybe some soft music close to him would help. I realize that you can't be holding him all the time, but it does help when you are able to. Becky, if you are finding that the breast pumping sessions are taking too much time, or they are inconvenient, then maybe you might consider feeding Eric with the Enfamil soy you were giving him when I was there. Lots of babies do just fine with bottle feeding. Remember, there will always be bottles to wash as long as you have a baby in the house. Please call me anytime you need to talk. I love you Beck. Daddy and I are continually praying for you and David. We know what you're going through. Lean "hard" on the Lord.
At 2:41 PM ,
Dinybaby said...
Becky, new mothers experience a degree of post depression shortly after their baby is born. If you experience symtoms like wanting to harm your baby, then maybe you should consult a professional. Brook Shields came out and said she had a severe time of it to where she had to get help. I will be praying for you. Please know that the Lord knows and cares.
I Love You! 1 Peter 5:7
At 2:54 PM ,
Just-Me said...
I've just stumbled across your blog..and wanted to tell you to hang in there. I am a mom of a 3 year old and a 7 month old. It will get better..I promise. Hang in there and if you have family close to help you, use them...take care of yourself and try to get a 4 hour stretch of sleep..a good rest and everything looks better. I know how you're feeling, I've been there..and just know that it does get better.
At 3:44 PM ,
Anonymous said...
Hi, you don't know me, but I can sympathise with you. I just had a baby girl 13 weeks ago and I'm still battling postpartum depression, mostly because I'm so tired all the time. I also have a two year old boy who is very busy and is very much in the terrible twos. That makes it harder. I had depression with him too but by the time he was 6 weeks old I was better. I think the second one is harder. I just want to encourage you and tell you it will get better soon. Once they start sleeping more and get over their fussiness it gets so much easier and you will feel better. I'd like to suggest the video The Happiest Baby On The Block. I think it might help you. Do you have a swing? If not, you should get one it is a life saver! I'll be praying for you, even though you don't know me. I totally understand how you feel. It's terrible because a baby is something that should be so joyful and you can't enjoy it when you're depressed. But, just remember, it's not your fault. You're not a bad parent just because you're down or your baby cries all the time.
At 5:09 PM ,
Anonymous said...
baby's cry, and that's ok. you're not doing anything wrong...i love you & will be praying for you. i know you're a good mommy! -anna
At 6:47 PM ,
Anonymous said...
Sure sounds like Cabin Fever. Been there, done that... Even though we have wonderful, caring, loving husbands, we hormone-ridden female sorts need other moms to laugh with, cry with, share ups and downs with: in short - fellowship! My prayers are that you'll find a group of (optimally Christian) young moms, and occasionally escape from the ever-constricting four walls. ~Beck's Mom~
At 2:54 PM ,
TimsBlogs II said...
I kinda remember when I cried like that.....wait, I still--
At 12:22 AM ,
Becky said...
Thanks you guys. Thanks so much for the prayers and encouragement. I don't even know some of you and it is really touching to know that you are praying and thinking of me.
At 11:42 PM ,
Anonymous said...
I ditto Anna's comment! You're not doing anything wrong Becky. Babies do cry...and I KNOW you are a good mommy 'cuz I saw you last month with your little Eric. I love you Beck.
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