waiting

I want to say a big "Thank you" for all of the comments on my blog. I really appreciate them. They are encouraging. It helps me to realize that other people have experienced this too and they made it and they have beautiful babies now. :-)

I called this post waiting because I've been struggling with waiting. Or actually being patient. I'm waiting to get approved for our health insurance. Once I get approved then I can make an appointment with an OBGYN. I am anxious about that. But I'm looking forward to it because I really want to know more information. What I know right now is that I'm maybe 9 weeks along right now but the doctor didn't know for sure when I had that first ultrasound. I also want to know how my baby is. I can't help but worry. I'm not sure if I'm getting the right nutrients or if I'm doing the right things. I am trying to do what I can but I still don't know. I'm still really new at this.

I'm also concerned and worried because I hardly feel like doing anything. I have some days when I feel a little better. Then the next day is icky, when even a piece of plain toast is treatening to come up. Everyone keeps telling me that it will get better. I just don't want to get into this habit of staying inside for the next 7 months. If I do get into that habit, I'm afraid that I'll never want to go out in public even after the baby is born.

I really wish I could just stop worrying and fretting about things and realize that God is in control of everything.

Part of me wants to try to get out of the apartment and take a walk but the pregnancy part of me doesn't. I guess that didn't really make too much sense. All of me is pregnant right now. :-]
Anyway, I am just afraid of getting out in public or something. I can't put my finger on what is wrong with me but I think it has something to do with my gag reflex. Everytime I smell something or if I imagine smelling something, it happens. I have no idea what smells trigger my gag reflex but it's frustrating. I can't have a perfectly fresh smelling apartment all the time. Or if I go outside in my car, if there is something in my center consule (garbage place next to the driver's seat) that I forgot to through away and then Ugh...... it has been there too long.

I think it would be good for me to try to get out and maybe even go to the mall. But that is too tempting for me. I don't have the money to be spending money on things I don't need. (David and I are trying to save up for our new addition to our family). I'm also afraid that I will see some really cute baby things and have to buy it. Sometimes I think I have no will power when it comes to spending and shopping.
I'm so glad that David helps to balance me out. :)